“Never go to bed angry” is commonly thought to be the key to a successful marriage, but that’s a problem George Clooney seemingly hasn’t had to deal with.
The American actor told a CBS TV show this week that he and his wife Amal have never argued in their 10-year marriage, joking that they were still “trying to find something to fight about”.
But is arguing in a relationship “something to be feared”, or are those boasting of a marriage without conflict “missing the point?”, said Ian Leslie in The Independent.
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‘Normal to argue’
Clooney’s remarks have split opinion, with some thinking it sounds like the “idyllic” or “perfect relationship”, while others assume he’s not “telling the whole truth”.
The 63-year-old has in fact been “doubling down” on his “no-fighting” claim, having made the remark in another interview in 2022, and he seems to carry a “chill, not-gonna-argue-with-you nature”, said Vanity Fair. His human rights lawyer wife Amal has “attributed their harmony mostly to luck and a lack of cynicism”.
It could be argued, however, that this “boring entente” is due to having “millions in the bank” and multiple homes, so the “ordinary domestic jeopardy” has been “stripped away”, said Michael Odell in The Times. The “consolation prize” for everyone else is that “George and Amal are weird”. It is “normal to argue” and “no bust-ups means there is no stress in the relationship, no emotional highs or lows”.
However, while it might be difficult to believe this “picture of eternal marital bliss”, just because many relationships are “unceasingly stressful and combative”, that “doesn’t mean that everyone else’s are”, said The Guardian.
‘Conflict is information’
“Every person is different”, and it’s not as simple as saying “yes or no” to what is the ideal relationship, said Leslie in The Independent. Some studies show that couples who are “quite emotional about the conflict or passionately argue” are “still likely to be together and satisfied” in the years to come.
That’s because “conflict is information” and when you’re in an argument, you are “learning about what your partner really, truly thinks and feels, which you might not know or see straight away”. In other words, with each conflict, you learn something new about your partner and “see your partner afresh”.
In a relationship free of conflict, it could be that both partners are looking to “actively avoid arguments” and neither is revealing their “true feelings to one another”. This can “build resentment under the surface”, relationship expert Annabelle Knight told the Daily Mail.
Arguments can, in fact, “strengthen a relationship”, but only if they are approached with “empathy, open communication and compromise”. Not arguing is also not “necessarily a red flag”, particularly if it comes from “a place of mutual understanding, strong communication skills and emotional maturity”.
Conflict with your partner “shouldn’t be that scary”, said Leslie, and in “healthy relationships, arguing can almost be like a good habit that you can practice”.
